This is a pretty free style article, Im basically just writing what comes to my head and revising if I think I found better ways to say how I feel so I suppose it isnt freestyling at all, Im just writing. I, for full disclosure am a bisexual with a preference for feminine presenting people. That being said, from both experience, off hand acounts, and statistical evidence, I don't think Id ever date or have any long term relationship with a woman. Please dear reader, before you click off and dismiss me as some weird incel, I implore you to keep reading on, as what Im about to write may suprise you, this is not intended to be a hateful peice agaisnt women although, to be authentic to my own feeling I may say things that give off this impression, I ask you read this article with an open mind, as again, the contents of this article may suprise you.
My intrest in homosexual relationships began around the time most discover these feelings, that being 13. At 13 I was a pretty big fan of Jacksepticeye (dont laugh) and this was about the time the first chapter of Deltarune was released so I watched his video being somewhat interested in the Undertale series (it's fandom kept me far away from ever really interacting with it tho). I was imediately drawn to the character Ralsei, I thought he had a cool design, I liked his character, and thought he was cute. I especially took intrest in his interactions with Kris and quickly liked the idea of the two being in a relationship (again, please dont laugh). Looking back at this, it was clear that I was projecting Kris as a stand in for me, Kris of course being mute, not possesing much personality at least in the first chapter, basically I had a crush on a goat twink, and my mind in an effort not to make me realize I liked guys (I grew up homophobic) projected my feeling into Kris. Why I think this is important in telling you that I get boners for goat twinks (okay you can laugh) is that the relationship between the two (at least the one I projected) is my ideal one. A genuine, natural, union where two people take care of each other, hold no feelings for each other back, and never live in fear of the other. Personally speaking, a relationship is a friendship with little to no barriers between two people in it, all of course mutually agreed upon.
I think this is why I hate dating women so much, most (not all) women don't like the idea of being the caring partner, of being the protector, and to me, a relationship is when both partners are protectors and the protected, it's emotional and physical security, and I don't see many women who play this role. It's odd how homophobic men love talking about how disgusting and degenerate homosexual men are (and alot are don't get me wrong, I hate them too) but the same men never have anything good to say about women, I saw a twitter post about a man saying "women are saving this to their pintrest and you are blackpilling" and it was followed by an image that roughly said something about desiring to take care of your boyfriend, and it was retweeted by some Christian right wing acount that said "never trust women with stuff like this, when you vent to them they'll use it agaisnt you" and I just said to myself "even homophobes realize heterosexual relationships are miserable". How does one not then understand gay men if they realize how bad heterosexual relationships are? It's because homophobes aren't smart people, they're miserable repressed weirdos who worship the ashes of a time they believed homosexual men didn't exist, they don't have a philosophy beyond whatever book their parents told them proved they were evil and repugnant for some ancient bad deed humanity did a thousand years ago. All they can do is react and pearl clutch, they are incapable of thinking critically.
But he is correct in that women may say they want men to vent and be comforted by them, but they rarely mean it, personally I have an anecdote that shows this reality clearly. So when I was in Highschool, there was this girl who by all Ive seen is a perfectly fine woman, we are friends, and I do consider her a good person, so don't think Im just speaking from pure outrage here, cause I'm not, I don't hate her nor do I see her a bad person for her relationship desires, to each their own and all that. But this girl was a pretty big liberal, she was one of those "mental health matter" kinda person, which again I must reiterate for clarity and my own morality as I dont want to make her seem stupid or bad, just someone who said something that made gears turn in my head. But me, and her, and some other friends, were talking and one of them (let's call him Frank) was talking about how this guy had a dream that his girfriend cheated on him with Frank, and he called his girlfriend in tears that night. Now yes, that is very corny and yeah he sounds like a bit of a weirdo, but the thing this girl said stuck with me forever, this woman, who seemed like she was a pretty big "mental health matter, don't be scared to vent!" Type, said "yeah I don't think I could ever see my boyfriend cry in front of me and stay with him". Again, she isn't a bad person for this, to each their own, and she's one of the nicest people I've ever met, but what she said in that moment just always stuck with me, this is one of the nicest people I ever met, I wrote a college essay for her just cause I thought she was cool (this was after she said this by the way) and even she admits, she doesn't wanna be a protector for her partner (again, completely fine, this is all my personal views). Those words stuck to me, and I think it gave me alot of clarity when dating women.
I don't think Ive ever had a good romantic relationship with a woman, my first was when I was 14 with a 27 year old woman and from the age gap alone, you know that probaly didn't go great. Next kinda blended together, which brings us to my first and so far only irl relationship (laugh, I am a loser) with a girl I met at prom. We went on one date, she never responded to my texts, and broke up with me and said I was a rebound, that was the last time I was ever romantically involved with a woman as well as the last time I desired that. I'm not saying all my relationships with men are perfect, they're just as if not more messy, but there's something there when I date men, I feel him pursue me, long for me, try for me, I never felt that way with a woman, I can safely say that I've never felt desired or wanted when I dated a woman, because women kinda expect you to put in all the effort, it's not their fault, truly, It's literally in their hardwiring, after all, they have the babies, they get the genes, all you gotta do is spread your genes around, but women they're caryying that thing and if you die hunting a mammoth, she has to raise it by herself, so if that baby is a dud evolution wise, she's boned, They can't control the fact they want to be pursued and never be pursued, they want the man who's gonna hunt the mammoth and come home unharmed, but that doesn't make for a good relationship dynamic in a world of office cubicles, super markets, and modern medicine, and so I don't want to play an outdated game. Statistics seem to agree with me as well, if you are a man, and you marry a woman, statistically there's an over 50 percent chance she'll divorce you, if you marry a man, there's a less than 20 percent chance you two will divorce, I think this is because gay men are great at communicating and conflict resolution because they can be genuine with their emotions and opinions without risking being seen as "weak" by their partners. Gay men put each other first and work with each other to resolve problems, where as in hetero relationships, men often have to sanitize themselves for the sake of their partners, which to me, (and the data, lol) doesn't work.
So, in conclusion, heterosexuality seems miserable to me, and I don't see how any sane person would want to participate in it if they could opt out. I don't hate women, I used to be bitter towards them until I realized, my bisexuality gives me the unique oppurtunity of choice, like the Scout in tf2, I can pick my battles, and to me, heterosexuality isn't a fight worth winning. Thanks for reading all the way through, this was probably kind of uncomftrable to get through, and I commend you for this, chances are, Ill delete this in the morning cause rested me is a pussy lmfao.